"...And Jill Came Tumbling After" (Lessons from Falling)

Yesterday was the first day this week that I went to work. I was in the mood to dress up, so instead of just wearing jeans and a Messiah shirt, I decided to wear a blouse with a pair of skinny jeans. I also replaced the usual pearl studs with dirty-gold dangling earrings, and ditched my flats and put on a pair of peep-toe shoes instead. I was very much aware of the fact that I was going to be doing a lot of walking and moving around throughout the day, but for the sake of fashion, yes, I wore heels.

Learning It the Hard Way ("Confessions" Series)

When you're young, you are in love with the idea of love. People love love. And that impression has been left by a childhood's worth of reruns of Disney animated Princesses movies, constant exposure to afternoon-to-late-night soap operas and to love songs, reading love stories/romance novels (Nicholas Sparks said there's a difference!), and most significantly by the people around you who've been married or have had long-time partners, whose  relationships started waaaay before you were conceived.

I've had lots of crushes during my formative years. But since this is published work, I'm not going to completely incriminate myself and dig out all the details for y'all ol' gossips to consume. (This is not The Buzz or Startalk, anyway, where people are required to tell all.)

Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Stacey: Not to Be Taken Too Seriously

No, I'm not going to talk about the band with the same name (yes, there's a band named Boy Crazy Stacey, but I didn't know that until I googled it).  This is not an entry about the blonde sophisticated girl from New York from The Baby-Sitters Club, either. And no, I'm not going to talk about my heartbreaks.

Or maybe I am.

Love Ain't All That Matters [A Pre-Hearts Day Post]

There comes a certain point in a person's life when he realizes that there are more important things in life than love--romance, to be exact. (Like when you're 21 and had just denounced your old-time, all-time stupid crush. Harr.)

Confidence...or the Lack Thereof

The first statement in my "About Me" section (on the right-hand side of this page) says, "I am a fan of reading, free writing, and being confident." I'm not sure any of you who've been reading my stuff have noticed that before. Probably not. And so I'm taking this time to draw your attention to that one phrase..."being confident."

Fruitless Toil and a Meaningless Life: Iz Aal Well?

[January 2, 2012 journal entry after reading Ecclesiastes 1:3]

Solomon begins the book of Ecclesiastes with this statement: "Everything is meaningless."

Wouldn't you agree? I mean, what do we get from working our butts off throughout our lifetime? What do we gain? What do we achieve? We work hard and get rich and live lavishly while working feverishly to maintain our lifestyle--but where does the cycle end? Are we going to be really, truly satisfied? At what point (is there even one?) could we stop working and start enjoying our life?

Two-Oh-11: A Year-Ender

"The end depends upon the beginning. The END. DEPENDS UPON. The Beginning."
--The Emperor's Club

I began this year with the hope of turning over a new leaf. I was looking forward to a new chapter in my life. I was hoping to launch myself into the world, confident and courageous.

I overcame fears. I crossed boundaries that I have set for myself and discovered that I could do much if I set my heart on it. I failed some and exceeded some expectations others had of me, and whether that's a good thing or a bad thing depends on the kind of expectations those were.

I struggled about a lot of things. I had my heart broken a million times more than I could ever remember in the last 20 years of my life, by more people than I can count with my two hands. I grew older, and for the most part, wiser and keener for the little things and the big things that affect me in big and small ways, perhaps respectively.

In sum, 2011 has been a wacky rollercoaster ride, but one that I don't want to get in line for again. I do believe I will get off and walk away with my head spinning.

It's a Blogger's Life

Sometimes I hate being a writer. My thoughts keep me up at night, and it doesn't let me sleep until I release them into written words on paper. Sometimes, that's not even enough, too, so I have to pull out my laptop and type like mad--maybe that's adrenaline rush for writers--and I am left exhausted, as if I'd just run a race. Then again, that's what I love about writing--just when you need it, inspiration comes, and then you've got yourself one heckuva story/article that you couldn't have created if not for the late-night hyperactivity of your brain. (Well, of course, it becomes a masterpiece after you've edited it with a clear head, and not while you're trying to keep yourself awake. :P) Now, if I could only get readers, then I'll come full circle... 


Wait. I do have readers. YEY! :))

Rude Awakening

There are times when you think you know what you want, but when you get it, or are about to, you just realize it's not what you want after all.

Like a line from one of my favorite books goes, "Nothing is so good as it is beforehand." There are things that you think will make you happy once you get your hands on it, but when it's there, it's like, "Uh...that's it? No fireworks? No crowd cheer? No confetti and balloons?" It's not like you imagined it to be, and worse, the cold truth smashes you in the face--it's not really what you wanted all along...

No Man is an "I"-land

Empowerment. Ah, what wonders has it done to the female race?

Green, Green Grass (Green and Bear It)

Sometime today, I came across a rhetorical question that I thought was very clever so I decided to copy it and forward it to some people. Here it is:


"If the grass is always greener on the other side, then once you get to the other side, will you want to come back? Will you ever be on the greener side?"
from the saying, "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."


I just wanted to find out how people will react, and how many people will find it funny, but there's this one response from a Wise Guy that really struck me:

The One that Got Away

 I was clearing out cubby holes again the other day. I don't know why and how I was able to come up with such a dramatic letter, but here it is. Dated June 2009. I have a feeling this is gonna be controversial. XD

Sid,

I've come to realize that I'm really not the one for you. You have plans for your life, as I have for mine, and we have to admit that... well, they really don't match.

You're already this accomplished doctor, while I am still waiting on the inspiration to write my first bestseller. And I know that you're ready to settle down and have a family of your own. But as for me, I'm just about to take off and launch myself into the world. You're ready to be with someone, while I... I still have to be somebody, you know? You are closer to fulfilling your dreams than I am to mine. So I'm giving myself to those dreams. I can't make them come true if I give myself to something, or somebody, else. I can't be half-hearted about being a respectable author, and I'm not. So...

I honestly think that we're just...disctracting each other. I guess it's better if we just go back to who we were before. I don't want you to wait for me. I don't want you to hold back because you're letting me catch up with you. No, I won't let you do that. I'm ok with being just your friend. You'll find somebody who's good for you, better than me, the best that life can give you. God has greater things in mind for the both of us, and I don't want to get in the way of His plan for you.

Don't hate me. I care about you, but I just don't...see you in my future. To me, you'll just always be a friend. Thanks for being such a great one.

Go and find yourself THE ONE. And I'll be one of those happy people at your wedding. You will invite me, yes?

Love,

Darl

Memory

Just something I wrote down a coupla days ago. I was...deep in thought, so much so that I couldn't sleep.
Been like that for a few days now. Maybe even weeks.
*sigh*
Anyway...

Keeping memories of painful things--and of the people who caused them--does not necessarily mean being unforgiving or not being able  to move on. Because, maybe, in remembering, you'll come to appreciate how those painful things affected your life and how the people who caused them meant to you once...before anything and everything hurtful took place.

Do I have a point? I'm not sure. Do I have to have one?

Gap

You're there. I'm here.

It's plain to see

That you can't get anywhere

Near me

I sigh. You laugh.

And you even clap

Your hands together,

Like we can never be

It looks as though

It'll eat us alive.

I cringe at the sight

Of the black hole

That's coming between

Us and what should have been

It's waiting for us

To jump in.

My hands are tied

My lips are dry

You wave at me

Like nothing's wrong

I squint so I

Can see your face

You're getting smaller

Until you're a dot

I look down and stare

At the gap that's there

And I'm scared and disgusted

It's hell.

I blink back tears

Your voice rings

In my head

Like you're just here

"I'm with you,

dear one.

You need not fret.

I'll see you through."

You open up your arms

You're in front of me now!

Then you free-fall

Into the gap

I scream and my heart

Leaps out of my chest

And wide-eyed

I look at you falling

You disappear

Into the dark

But your light

Pierces through

The next thing I knew

You were holding me

And we were walking

Across the hole

The darkness roared

I was afraid

That it would come up

And drag me down

But you, so patiently

Walked me across

The gap

That was once in my way

You gave yourself

Because you loved

Confused and scared

I was.

I fall on my knees

Like a helpless beggar

On the streets

Crying in shame

"Why did you

do such a thing?"

I bawled.

You laugh at me again.

"You know the answer,

sweet child, precious one,

I don't need

To tell you anymore

That I love you,

And no one can change it--

With a love that

no one can give,

I saved you so that

I can be with you.

Don't fret, I'm here

to stay."

"I don't deserve this

Favor so great,

my heart bleeds

but rejoices!"

"Hush, my love,

What's done is past

I don't want to go

And dig it up now.

All I care about is now,

You, here,

I will let you start

again.

But promise me

This one thing--

All I ask is

You love me, too."

"How could I not?

To love you

Is something

I cannot help but do.

I did nothing to deserve

What you did for me

I'll do anything

To pay you back.

I give myself to you,

like you did for me,

I will love you

All of my life."

We walk together

As it should be

To a place you prepared

for us.

My heart breaks

But it is because

Joy has filled it,

Not sadness.

You wipe my tears

Draw me close

You laugh at me

Again.

"Crying is not allowed

In such a place

C'mon,

Let's look around.

Here you can go

Wherever you want

With me

For all time.

I'll walk with you

Dance with you

Listen to your

Sweet singing.

I'll hold your hand

No one will dare

To hurt you--

You are mine."

'Twas then I thought

I know it now

I left everything

In the dark

I can never go back

Not with you here

Now

There is no gap.

30 Photos Challenge: Photo #5

Photo 5)
A picture of your favorite band




Well, I do not deny the fact that this group is not an actual band.
But still.

Well, ok. Band?

:)


I am unusually out of words right now because I just got home from a camp and a wedding.
Will post more photos soon.

Why I Don't Have a Boyfriend: Random Thoughts in the Train

Ok, keep those eyebrows down, will you? :))

I don't know why I'm even writing this, aside from the fact that I want you, followers and dear readers, to understand or just have an idea of why I (and probably some of my friends--I'm not sure) are not romantically involved yet, have not been at all, and/or are not planning to be in the near future.

Hear me out first! :))

20 Entries by April 20

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Now it's 21! Hehe.
I'm watching SALT right now with my family.
The stunts are jaw-dropping. Angelina is WOW.


Random lang.

30 Photos Challenge: Photo #4

Photo 4)
A picture of your favorite hobby

Since I'd been cooped up in the house ever since I got back, trying to rest and let the little illnesses and allergies subside, my best friend has been my laptop and the Internet. (Notice that I get to blog everyday now. Hehe.) So I found this software on Chrome that lets me edit photos.

So as of today, my favorite hobby is funkying up my photos. YEPPY! :D

Cool and super aliw. :)

30 Photos Challenge: Photo #2

Photo 2)
A picture of your favorite place

My favorite place is the bedroom. Ok, maybe that sounds weird, but it's true.
I dunno. I just... Well, I don't have one of my own right now. And for the loooongest time, I'd been hoping and praying that someday SOON(!), God would let my family get a house or give us money to start the construction for the long overdue expansion of the church, or maybe, that He'd let ME move into my own spot. Someday. Soon? :P


I guess the idea appeals to me because I am a private person, and people don't usually barge into your bedroom diba? When you have your own room, people respect your privacy. They knock before going in. They wait to be invited. I guess I want to have that privacy. I want to be able to write and read and make music to my heart's content, not worrying about disturbing the neighbors or spending too much time lying on the sofa or whatever. I want my peace and quiet. I want to be able to sleep in without thinking about what time the visitors are coming because I'd have to get up way before they get here because I can't stay parked in the sofa. I want to be able to talk on the phone with a friend into the wee hours without having my brothers giving me a look, as if I'm cutting off somebody's head or something. Basta yun. This is my favorite place. :) Lucky you, those who have your own holes to retreat to. ;)

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

I have never had a boyfriend, so you might think I have no credibility to talk about breakups.
But hear me out. This is just a short blog. I want to share something that I learned today.