"...And Jill Came Tumbling After" (Lessons from Falling)

Yesterday was the first day this week that I went to work. I was in the mood to dress up, so instead of just wearing jeans and a Messiah shirt, I decided to wear a blouse with a pair of skinny jeans. I also replaced the usual pearl studs with dirty-gold dangling earrings, and ditched my flats and put on a pair of peep-toe shoes instead. I was very much aware of the fact that I was going to be doing a lot of walking and moving around throughout the day, but for the sake of fashion, yes, I wore heels.

Learning It the Hard Way ("Confessions" Series)

When you're young, you are in love with the idea of love. People love love. And that impression has been left by a childhood's worth of reruns of Disney animated Princesses movies, constant exposure to afternoon-to-late-night soap operas and to love songs, reading love stories/romance novels (Nicholas Sparks said there's a difference!), and most significantly by the people around you who've been married or have had long-time partners, whose  relationships started waaaay before you were conceived.

I've had lots of crushes during my formative years. But since this is published work, I'm not going to completely incriminate myself and dig out all the details for y'all ol' gossips to consume. (This is not The Buzz or Startalk, anyway, where people are required to tell all.)

Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Stacey: Not to Be Taken Too Seriously

No, I'm not going to talk about the band with the same name (yes, there's a band named Boy Crazy Stacey, but I didn't know that until I googled it).  This is not an entry about the blonde sophisticated girl from New York from The Baby-Sitters Club, either. And no, I'm not going to talk about my heartbreaks.

Or maybe I am.

Love Ain't All That Matters [A Pre-Hearts Day Post]

There comes a certain point in a person's life when he realizes that there are more important things in life than love--romance, to be exact. (Like when you're 21 and had just denounced your old-time, all-time stupid crush. Harr.)

Fruitless Toil and a Meaningless Life: Iz Aal Well?

[January 2, 2012 journal entry after reading Ecclesiastes 1:3]

Solomon begins the book of Ecclesiastes with this statement: "Everything is meaningless."

Wouldn't you agree? I mean, what do we get from working our butts off throughout our lifetime? What do we gain? What do we achieve? We work hard and get rich and live lavishly while working feverishly to maintain our lifestyle--but where does the cycle end? Are we going to be really, truly satisfied? At what point (is there even one?) could we stop working and start enjoying our life?

It's a Blogger's Life

Sometimes I hate being a writer. My thoughts keep me up at night, and it doesn't let me sleep until I release them into written words on paper. Sometimes, that's not even enough, too, so I have to pull out my laptop and type like mad--maybe that's adrenaline rush for writers--and I am left exhausted, as if I'd just run a race. Then again, that's what I love about writing--just when you need it, inspiration comes, and then you've got yourself one heckuva story/article that you couldn't have created if not for the late-night hyperactivity of your brain. (Well, of course, it becomes a masterpiece after you've edited it with a clear head, and not while you're trying to keep yourself awake. :P) Now, if I could only get readers, then I'll come full circle... 


Wait. I do have readers. YEY! :))

No Man is an "I"-land

Empowerment. Ah, what wonders has it done to the female race?

Green, Green Grass (Green and Bear It)

Sometime today, I came across a rhetorical question that I thought was very clever so I decided to copy it and forward it to some people. Here it is:


"If the grass is always greener on the other side, then once you get to the other side, will you want to come back? Will you ever be on the greener side?"
from the saying, "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."


I just wanted to find out how people will react, and how many people will find it funny, but there's this one response from a Wise Guy that really struck me:

The One that Got Away

 I was clearing out cubby holes again the other day. I don't know why and how I was able to come up with such a dramatic letter, but here it is. Dated June 2009. I have a feeling this is gonna be controversial. XD

Sid,

I've come to realize that I'm really not the one for you. You have plans for your life, as I have for mine, and we have to admit that... well, they really don't match.

You're already this accomplished doctor, while I am still waiting on the inspiration to write my first bestseller. And I know that you're ready to settle down and have a family of your own. But as for me, I'm just about to take off and launch myself into the world. You're ready to be with someone, while I... I still have to be somebody, you know? You are closer to fulfilling your dreams than I am to mine. So I'm giving myself to those dreams. I can't make them come true if I give myself to something, or somebody, else. I can't be half-hearted about being a respectable author, and I'm not. So...

I honestly think that we're just...disctracting each other. I guess it's better if we just go back to who we were before. I don't want you to wait for me. I don't want you to hold back because you're letting me catch up with you. No, I won't let you do that. I'm ok with being just your friend. You'll find somebody who's good for you, better than me, the best that life can give you. God has greater things in mind for the both of us, and I don't want to get in the way of His plan for you.

Don't hate me. I care about you, but I just don't...see you in my future. To me, you'll just always be a friend. Thanks for being such a great one.

Go and find yourself THE ONE. And I'll be one of those happy people at your wedding. You will invite me, yes?

Love,

Darl

Memory

Just something I wrote down a coupla days ago. I was...deep in thought, so much so that I couldn't sleep.
Been like that for a few days now. Maybe even weeks.
*sigh*
Anyway...

Keeping memories of painful things--and of the people who caused them--does not necessarily mean being unforgiving or not being able  to move on. Because, maybe, in remembering, you'll come to appreciate how those painful things affected your life and how the people who caused them meant to you once...before anything and everything hurtful took place.

Do I have a point? I'm not sure. Do I have to have one?

Gap

You're there. I'm here.

It's plain to see

That you can't get anywhere

Near me

I sigh. You laugh.

And you even clap

Your hands together,

Like we can never be

It looks as though

It'll eat us alive.

I cringe at the sight

Of the black hole

That's coming between

Us and what should have been

It's waiting for us

To jump in.

My hands are tied

My lips are dry

You wave at me

Like nothing's wrong

I squint so I

Can see your face

You're getting smaller

Until you're a dot

I look down and stare

At the gap that's there

And I'm scared and disgusted

It's hell.

I blink back tears

Your voice rings

In my head

Like you're just here

"I'm with you,

dear one.

You need not fret.

I'll see you through."

You open up your arms

You're in front of me now!

Then you free-fall

Into the gap

I scream and my heart

Leaps out of my chest

And wide-eyed

I look at you falling

You disappear

Into the dark

But your light

Pierces through

The next thing I knew

You were holding me

And we were walking

Across the hole

The darkness roared

I was afraid

That it would come up

And drag me down

But you, so patiently

Walked me across

The gap

That was once in my way

You gave yourself

Because you loved

Confused and scared

I was.

I fall on my knees

Like a helpless beggar

On the streets

Crying in shame

"Why did you

do such a thing?"

I bawled.

You laugh at me again.

"You know the answer,

sweet child, precious one,

I don't need

To tell you anymore

That I love you,

And no one can change it--

With a love that

no one can give,

I saved you so that

I can be with you.

Don't fret, I'm here

to stay."

"I don't deserve this

Favor so great,

my heart bleeds

but rejoices!"

"Hush, my love,

What's done is past

I don't want to go

And dig it up now.

All I care about is now,

You, here,

I will let you start

again.

But promise me

This one thing--

All I ask is

You love me, too."

"How could I not?

To love you

Is something

I cannot help but do.

I did nothing to deserve

What you did for me

I'll do anything

To pay you back.

I give myself to you,

like you did for me,

I will love you

All of my life."

We walk together

As it should be

To a place you prepared

for us.

My heart breaks

But it is because

Joy has filled it,

Not sadness.

You wipe my tears

Draw me close

You laugh at me

Again.

"Crying is not allowed

In such a place

C'mon,

Let's look around.

Here you can go

Wherever you want

With me

For all time.

I'll walk with you

Dance with you

Listen to your

Sweet singing.

I'll hold your hand

No one will dare

To hurt you--

You are mine."

'Twas then I thought

I know it now

I left everything

In the dark

I can never go back

Not with you here

Now

There is no gap.

On Idols

I really don't understand why some people want to meddle with the affairs of others.

From the Diary of a "Perfect Girl" (also known as the Drama Queen)

Nothing is totally 'up to me.'

Otherwise, I could have always done and gotten whatever I had wanted. And I could always do and get whatever I want. And everything I want to do or get or be or go to or happen will always will.

However, REALITY CHECK: Something can ALWAYS come up--UNEXPECTEDLY, mind you--and ruin your show.

Yes, even rip apart your legendary set...undo your death-defying hairdo...waste all your energy rehearsing, all your money splurging, all your sweat, tears and blood that was shed for the sake of the actualization of the performance of your life. (which is now, apparently, not.)

Yes, that is reality. Tragic... and true--oh, so very much, indeed!

I can say so, because it happens to me.

Yes.
TO ME.

And why does this matter so much, you wonder?

Well, I never!

Of course, because perfect people don't get stuck in a rut, that's why!
And perfect people are not, cannot be, bogged down...by ANYTHING, in ANY way.

But, actually, perfect people are the first ones who fall, shrivel up, and become miserable.

Hmm...

There is, however, a choice I can make. I can either sulk about it, or hope for a 'better luck next time' (in which case I hope I will not be required to break both my legs).

Perfect people know what's supposed to be. And I know what the RIGHT choice is.

Yet, here I am, disregarding that knowledge, and still wallowing in the deep, dark misery of my so-called misfortune.

I am a drama queen, after all. I live exaggeratedly.

Nonetheless, the lesson to be learned: Others are not to be blamed for plans that do not push through. Actually, no one, nothing, is to be taken at fault.

Not fate. (Simply not.)

Not the security guard outside who's going bald from excessive head-scratching and hair-pulling because of stress. (Mob control is a hard assignment, I guess.)

Not that strictly unimaginative and artistically unappreciative producer who, in spite of his non-existent creativity, still keeps producing shows like mine, and watches each one. (Beats the hell out of me.)

Not the limply-hanging, discolored curtains, reeking with the smell of mothballs. (Seriously.)

Not the violinist who keeps playing out of tune. (Are there no understudies for members of the orchestra?!)

And especially, most definitely, NOT those very special people who promise to come and see you perform but don't, and think that they have the right to tell you, "Please don't get upset. I couldn't help it," and actually GET MAD AT YOU when you feel sad about their non-appearance.

So maybe a nose got cut off, or eardrums suddenly burst, or there's a flu to nurse or a driver's license examination to study for (?!), or whatever. I can understand when a reason is valid. I do! But that doesn't mean I HAVE NO RIGHT to feel rotten inside. I can't help that, too. Because they DON'T know that I put up with the whole freakin' shindig for 'em, and that every act, every tear, fit of laughter, and body movement was inspired, is intensified by them. I put it on, put everything on, for THEM!

...

And just like every other, today's show was for someone...

I've proved that "NO SHOW" can mean various things. Ask me. Har!

...

Heck, I tell everybody else to think positive. Why can't I heed my own advice?

...