From the Diary of a "Perfect Girl" (also known as the Drama Queen)

Nothing is totally 'up to me.'

Otherwise, I could have always done and gotten whatever I had wanted. And I could always do and get whatever I want. And everything I want to do or get or be or go to or happen will always will.

However, REALITY CHECK: Something can ALWAYS come up--UNEXPECTEDLY, mind you--and ruin your show.

Yes, even rip apart your legendary set...undo your death-defying hairdo...waste all your energy rehearsing, all your money splurging, all your sweat, tears and blood that was shed for the sake of the actualization of the performance of your life. (which is now, apparently, not.)

Yes, that is reality. Tragic... and true--oh, so very much, indeed!

I can say so, because it happens to me.

Yes.
TO ME.

And why does this matter so much, you wonder?

Well, I never!

Of course, because perfect people don't get stuck in a rut, that's why!
And perfect people are not, cannot be, bogged down...by ANYTHING, in ANY way.

But, actually, perfect people are the first ones who fall, shrivel up, and become miserable.

Hmm...

There is, however, a choice I can make. I can either sulk about it, or hope for a 'better luck next time' (in which case I hope I will not be required to break both my legs).

Perfect people know what's supposed to be. And I know what the RIGHT choice is.

Yet, here I am, disregarding that knowledge, and still wallowing in the deep, dark misery of my so-called misfortune.

I am a drama queen, after all. I live exaggeratedly.

Nonetheless, the lesson to be learned: Others are not to be blamed for plans that do not push through. Actually, no one, nothing, is to be taken at fault.

Not fate. (Simply not.)

Not the security guard outside who's going bald from excessive head-scratching and hair-pulling because of stress. (Mob control is a hard assignment, I guess.)

Not that strictly unimaginative and artistically unappreciative producer who, in spite of his non-existent creativity, still keeps producing shows like mine, and watches each one. (Beats the hell out of me.)

Not the limply-hanging, discolored curtains, reeking with the smell of mothballs. (Seriously.)

Not the violinist who keeps playing out of tune. (Are there no understudies for members of the orchestra?!)

And especially, most definitely, NOT those very special people who promise to come and see you perform but don't, and think that they have the right to tell you, "Please don't get upset. I couldn't help it," and actually GET MAD AT YOU when you feel sad about their non-appearance.

So maybe a nose got cut off, or eardrums suddenly burst, or there's a flu to nurse or a driver's license examination to study for (?!), or whatever. I can understand when a reason is valid. I do! But that doesn't mean I HAVE NO RIGHT to feel rotten inside. I can't help that, too. Because they DON'T know that I put up with the whole freakin' shindig for 'em, and that every act, every tear, fit of laughter, and body movement was inspired, is intensified by them. I put it on, put everything on, for THEM!

...

And just like every other, today's show was for someone...

I've proved that "NO SHOW" can mean various things. Ask me. Har!

...

Heck, I tell everybody else to think positive. Why can't I heed my own advice?

...

Bye, Summer. Hello, Tomorrow

In a matter of days, my summer vacation will be officially over.

I could confidently say it was a much productive summer vacation compared to the two others I've had since I went into college, although this year, my cousins and I weren't able to go swimming. AT ALL. Ha ha! And add to that, I wasn't able to join the Cross-cultural Trip to Cambodia and Vietnam. Yes, I missed out on a lot of great stuff, like PASSION MANILA (hmph!), BUT! I believe that GOD had other things in mind for me, and the "great stuff" weren't part of the itinerary He had mapped out. Instead, He let me be heavy with burden for the music ministry at church and let the Worship Workshop happen. With that, there was revival for our youth. There had been discoveries of new passions, acquisition of new skills, a new anointing so great and amazing, and overall, an awesome worship experience. In other words, God let His fire fall down on us, and He let me see His face. It was like He was saying, "I could have done this a long time ago, if you had asked Me to. I'm so glad you finally did. Thank you for answering My call. Welcome back, kid. I love you." God is wonderful.

So now, here I am, after almost three months of vacation, ready to face the future--and the start of my 4th and final year in college--armed with renewed hope, a revived heart, an unburdened spirit, more love, a burning passion. It won't be easy. And I won't always feel like this. I'll drift away. I'll get tired. People won't get me. But He always will. He won't let me fall. He holds all my tomorrows. And the best part? He's also holding my hand.