Ah, Young Love!

I had a humorous but rather distressing encounter with teens and their concept of love a few weeks ago. I was talking to a bunch of girls about 1 Corinthians 13, which is commonly known as the Love chapter of the Bible. I decided to discuss it because, well... let's just say that I kinda wanted to know how much they really understood love, since they were so into it. You know, "in" love.

Kids these days. :/



Before I go on, let me clear this out: this is not me being a man-hater or an anti-relationship, bitter single woman. Haha. Please. I know you'd think I'd be sounding like one by the end of this entry, but that's all I ask--READ ON. Because I wouldn't really be writing about it if it weren't important and if it were senseless rants about not having a boyfriend and such. And for the record, no, I don't break myself apart and agonize about being single. My life is hard as it is; I don't need more emotional baggage to carry, thank you very much.

So anyway, long story short, I found out that...well, they didn't seem to have much of a grasp of what love really means. I mean, it was just like I suspected: most young people of our generation think that "love" is a term for something that you feel for somebody special, more specifically somebody of the opposite sex.

But as much as I'm frustrated, I'm bothered about it as well. And I want to do something about it, but what? I've realized that the more you tell a teenager not to have crushes or not to date yet, the more they do it, because they think you're telling them that because you don't want them to be happy and because they think you're depriving them of something that is entitled to them. So then they dive into this fantasy drama of "You and Me Against the World." The more people go against the relationship, the more they will fight for whatever relationship that is. (Yes, apparently, the meaning of "relationship" is also subject to one's interpretation. For example, you can have all the benefits of being boyfriend-girlfriend, but you're just "friends." I mean, srsly, what's up with a boy resting his head on a girl's lap, but they're just friends? So, like, the guy does it with his other friends who are girls, and the girl lets all her guy friends rest their heads on her lap? WTH?!)

*breathes deeply*

Ok, I really don't mean to sound judgmental (because I'm not; I'm just being factual), but sometimes, people who are "in love" are too caught up with their affair that they are oblivious to the fact that others around them aren't so happy about it. So yeah, you can't please everybody, but it is most certainly an individual's responsibility to please God in WHATEVER he does, and that includes how you conduct yourself in a relationship.

Am I wrong or am I right about that?

All I'm saying is, true love isn't blind, and a true lover doesn't turn a blind eye (or a deaf ear or a hardened heart) when something seems not right and out of place. He/She doesn't ignore advice (especially when s/he's the one who asked for it in the first place!) and doesn't take correction or rebuke as merely a suggestion. Like, if you're feeling uncomfortable about being in a relationship with somebody, and/or if you're thinking that you have to keep a relationship a secret, then you know having one is not the right thing to do.  Problem is, what do you with what you know? Most people ignore their heads and just follow their hearts. Oh, please. That's really not the way to do things around here, kids! No thanks to movies and novels and romantic junk out in the media, our young people are creating for themselves a distorted meaning of love. Allow me to illustrate.

(Note: I love this musical, but... I try not to be a passive viewer. I evaluate the stuff I watch and the songs I hear so... just try not to react violently. I still love Julie Andrews, but I do need to make a point.)

Here is a song from the classic musical, The Sound of Music. I'm sure that those of you who've seen it will know this.

Sixteen Going on Seventeen

♪ You wait, little girl, on an empty stage
For fate to turn the light on
--(Sounds like a variation of "do not awaken love until it so desires." A nice way to put it actually.) Most of us think that our lives are incomplete without romance, so we think further on that we only start "really" living when we have someone special to share life with. Yes, it's a cliche, people, and no, it's not an absolute truth. Actually, it's no truth at all, really. Life is only meaningful because of God; He should be the most important person in your life. You live for Him because He was the one who DIED for you. He deserves to be loved wholly and completely. He should be the reason you live, not your main squeeze.

So no, nobody can complete you the way God does. Not even someone as handsome as Armie Hammer or Jake Gyllenhaal, or as gorgeous as Anna Popplewell or Scarlett Johansson. Only God. (In time, you will understand, if you don't at the moment, I assure you.)

♪ Your life, little girl, is an empty page
that men will want to write on
--This is kinda degrading. Or is it just me? But srsly, my life is not an empty page; as a matter of fact, I've referred to it always as an illustrated story book. And in this day and age, it's the women themselves who prefer to write on their empty pages; there aren't as much good writers among the male race these days, if you know what I mean. The married life is not for everyone, after all. So you don't go around trying to find out if it's for you by hooking up at a young age or being with different girls all at the same time. Really, guys, really. Women are not lab rats that you could try out your relationship skills on. And girls, please, your life is not incomplete without a special someone, so your book can be a bestseller even without the element of romance. If that kind of love is going to happen in your life, then it will, in God's time. But that comes later--prolly in the epilogue or the sequel.

Also, if you're going to let someone be in your story, s/he has to be worth immortalizing. Otherwise, the Chief Editor is going to have to chuck that character out from your story, or He's going to have to continue writing about your heartache before you can get your happy ending. Wouldn't it be nice to just go straight to that? And, if someone is going to write on any page, make sure it's not just with some cheap pen, and check the handwriting! Let's not settle for anything less than God's best.

Yes, that goes for everyone.

♪ You are 16 going on 17--Baby, its time to think
Better beware, be canny and careful
Baby, you're on the brink
♪ I am 16 going on 17--I know that i'm naive
Fellows I meet may tell me I'm sweet and willingly I believe
--For the first time in this song, I will agree. This is a realistic piece of advice: "Baby, it's time to think." And not just with your own head, because your knowledge about life is not enough. You need God's Word to guide you through this, and through all of life for that matter. "Beware, be canny and careful," because in your youth, you are bound to do stuff without thinking, stuff that will hurt you in the long run, stuff that are stupid. Like giving yourself away to somebody who's not worth it. Like spending (too much precious) time with him/her whom you are not so sure of rather than with your friends whom you know will stick wit'u (like glue) for life.

This is not to say that you can't do anything right, because, of course you can! You're old enough to be held responsible for your actions. And that's just it--you need to be wise and careful. You have to be open and cautious, and you have to listen to advice and take it to heart and do it, because you still have so much to learn, and learning doesn't stop, even when you're an adult.

Most teenagers think that they deserve independence and don't need their parents to tell them what to do. With that attitude, such teenagers commit a lot of mistakes that they could have avoided if they had listened to what other people--and God's Word--had to say. Our mistakes and its consequences scar us for life. If we make the mistake of blindly walking to and toppling off the edge because we've "fallen in love" (another cliche!), don't expect a smooth landing. Oh, no, sir. You're definitely going to get bruised, or even worse.

Not pretty.

♪ You are 16 going on 17--Fellows will fall in line
Eager young lads and roues and cads will offer you fruit and wine
♪ I am 16 going on 17--innocent as a rose
Bachelor dandies, drinkers of brandies
What do I know of those?
--Simply stated, all kinds of guys will try to woo you, girls. Yes, both the good and bad ones, dashing young princes to dirty old men. Really. They'll give you nice things you had only wished before that you had. They'll tell you sweet things you want to hear. How are you supposed to know which one of them is sincerely pursuing you and which of them are just trying to make you into a trophy girlfriend?

You know what they say: there are a lot of fish in the sea. So in order to know which one is the right fish, you're gonna go fishing? BIG FAT NO! When you fish, any and all kinds of fish will go for the bait!  You're going to catch something, alright--in fact, anything from a fat hito to an old Beach Walk.

What is there to do, then? Well, no fishing! Put away your gear; you don't need it! No casting a line into the open sea and no waiting for the first fish that takes the bait and gets hooked in. That's not how the game goes. I mean, it's not even a game. Being in a relationship is something that God has planned out for us--for most, if not for all. HE is going to be the one to bring you and him/her together. There's no sense in seeking out love when it's not supposed to be found yet.

So boys, please. NO SPECIAL TREATMENT! And stop it already with courting ad flirting through text or online. PLEASE. Girls deserve more than that!

♪ Totally unprepared are you to face a world of men
Timid and shy and scared are you of things beyond your ken
--Romantic love is something that's way out of the league of a young person. It's too complicated, too complex, too much to handle or understand. Again, I'm not saying you will not ever be ready for it, but now is not just the right time for it. God is going to have to prep you up, and it might take a while, but the wait is going to be worth it. To love is a responsibility, a choice. It's not merely a feeling, like fondness. It's something you have to be strong enough and wise enough to handle.

♪ You need someone older and wiser telling you what to do
I am 17 going on 18--I'll take care of you
♪ I need someone older and wiser telling me what to do
You are 17 going on 18--I'll depend on you
--Two things:
1) You do need someone older and wiser to tell you what to do.
2) That someone is not a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Who is it, then? Well, your parents, for one. Your mentors. Your authority figures. People you respect and admire. Teachers. Youth leader. Someone who's been there, done that.

At 18, you have your own emotional baggage to deal with, and it's hard. In trying to be a valiant gentleman, you will offer to help your girlfriend carry her own baggage. Now you have to deal with yours and hers. Tell me how easy that is, and I'll show you how even grown-up married couples struggle with it. Why, some even get divorced. Also, at 18, you're just starting to establish yourself. Your identity. Your goals. If someone special is a part of your life, you will most likely build your life around that person--if you haven't yet. So if that person leaves, well, you're left with nothing but your broken heart and shattered dreams.

Don't say you weren't warned.

Relationships take work. It's not all about the fun. That's why being in a romantic relationship is a grown-up's business--young people only want to play, and when things get tough, the easiest way out is to quit, bail out, give up, and find a better playmate.

So no, even if he makes you feel safe and even if she takes care of you, that's not enough reason to be together.


I had always loved that scene in the movie of Leisl and Rolf dancing and found it sweet and all that, but when I got older, I realized two things: 1) Leisl met Rolf secretly because she didn't want the Captain to know about the thing that was going on between her and the messenger boy; and 2) At 16 and 17, they were too young to know what love is. It doesn't matter if back then they married young, because today, that's not the norm anymore. People get married in their mid- to late twenties and early 30s, even older. Things are different now. Well, most things. But this you should know: You're not too old or too young to know what's right and wrong; you should be able to tell the difference, at least for most things. Not all people has life figured out, anyway. But you can always check what God has to say in His Word.

Sue me. Call me a spinster. Or maybe a hypocrite. Just know that I write this with you, young reader, in mind, and I write for you as much as for myself. We're young and we're beautiful and we've got so much ahead of us. Why does love have to be such a big thing? Romance is overrated. So what if your friends have someone special? You have Someone who loves you more than you ever know and ever recognize, and you are special in His eyes. Nothing you can do can change that. He is love. Do you know Him? Being loved by Him is enough, and so much more.

G.L.Y.S.D.I. Thanks for reading! ♥